not quite a horn-bag

A LITTLE while ago, I registered to MySpace to see what all the fuss was about. I had a look around but gave it away because most of the people there:

a) were under the age of 20; and
b) had woefully bad grammar and this is something I just cannot handle in large proportions.

Even so, not long after I registered (under the bland and not-so-accurate name of 'Happy Housewife') I started getting lots of invitations to join groups - all of which had the same thing in common.

"Come join our sexy-web cam group";
"Sexy, naked web-cam group invites you to join";
"Come join the fun in our online sex-chat group".

Well I obviously have had sex twice as I have two children but since I haven't had a decent sleep since 2002, I dont know why anyone would think I have some kind of strange desire to get it on with complete strangers over the net.

I am aware that people do. I have an acquaintance who up and left her husband and teenage daughters to run away with an American man she met on MySpace. But really, what woman - with two under three - would really have the time or inclination?

And what does this group think they will get with me? A webcam in my house would not show anything too pretty.

Think mis-matched and dirty pyjamas at any time of the day, think long, bad hair that only sees a hairdresser twice a year, think sunken eyes, think acne from eating too much Milo!

Oh and yes, if you are lucky enough to see me partly naked on the way to the shower, just imagine what you will get then!

Hairy legs, possible hairy armpits - and my bikini line? There is no bikini line! That region is far more Amazonian rainforest than Brazillian, I guarantee. But that's not all, I can also offer a belly that has seen two babies but no crunches for years (except for the chocolate-bar variety), stretch-marks, hanging boobs all encased in grotty, old underwear from Target.

Are there really people out there who want to see this? I very much doubt it. I dont want to see it!

Or in some land far away, do people actually think housewives with two littlies are sitting at home, aching for a bit of jiggy-jig, because they are so full of life and energy? Honestly, Desperate Housewives has a LOT to answer for.

Needless to say, I didn't join any sexy webcam groups, nor do I get online for a bit of nookie with strangers.