mother's have no fear (really)

IT was only a few years ago that I discovered my mother was afraid of thunder. Really afraid. In fact, during a thunder storn, mum likes to hide in her bed or in a room with no windows.

But as kids, she never showed any fear - she would tell us not to be silly, that it was only noise and would go about her business. Oh she would let us sleep in her bed on thundery nights, but we thought that was for OUR benefit - but really it was for HERS!

She didn't want to be afraid in front of us, she said, because she didn't want us to pick up her irrational fears. It worked. I am not afraid of thunder or lightning.

But I do hate spiders.

Well, let me rephrase - I hate big, hairy spiders - like huntsmen (funnily enough, mum doesn't mind spiders at all).

So anyway, yesterday, I brought in a pile of washing from the line, dumped it on the sofa (as one does) and went out to hang up another pile.

When I came back in the house, the boy was sitting on the sofa but instead of watching telly, he was watching the clothes.

"Spider" he said to me, ever so casually.

"Where?" I asked, thankful for once that the child has learnt to speak.

"Under the clothes"

Hmmm - well I carefully unpicked an item of clothing one at a time and after the third item, found a teeny, weeny spider under a sock. Ah relief. A TINY spider. I picked it up and squished it between my fingers and pretended to take it outside.

All done.

Until later, when we were going out. I told him to get some clean shorts and undies from the pile (of course I hadn't sorted it yet - this would only happen if I was the efficient housewife sort and of course I am not). Anyway, he walks over to the pile.

"spider"

Oh it has gone now, dont worry, I told him as I walked over to the pile. And there it was...

the world's biggest huntsman, hiding out in a pair of undies.

"Oh look, a big spider - now don't touch it" I said ever so casually to him - after all, I dont want him to think he can TOUCH spiders.

I cringe when I think of what I did next - I PICKED THE UNDIES UP! Ew ew ew ew ew! I hid the fact that I was dying of fear and walked out the back door - but then decided my back yard was too close for a spider to live.

"Lets take him out the front"

So out the front we went, me carrying a F*CKING GREAT BIG SPIDER! At the front, I decided that this was still far too close to my house for a spider to live.

"Lets take him across the road"

At this stage, Mr Spider had decided to make a run for it and jumped onto the driveway. Now, I didn't want the boy to think it was safe to just squish spiders so I told him to go check the mail.

And then Mr Spider met the underside of my shoe.

Because I don't do spiders.

I told the boy that Mr Spider had crossed the road and was all gone and we went along our way. He had forgotten the whole deal in about 10 seconds. I, on the other hand, had to go inside and have a strong coffee.

And do a girly ew ew ew ew dance, shaking my hands and cringing. Because, although I am usually pretty gutsy for a woman, sometimes the inner girly woman comes out for a play. Usually when spiders are involved.

But I passed the test - I hid my irrational fear, because that is what mother's do.