Poo and spew

I am here in front of my computer because I should be starting dinner....it is noon, but I need to cook while the kids are alseep otherwise its chips from macdonalds again, and there is too much talk about childhood obesity to let me feel too good about doing that too often.

So instead of cooking, I am typing. Because I am sick of being a mum, and feel like being an author. Be warned, this is my blog and if you dont like my opinions, please dont read....but dont post about what a misguided person I am because really I know this already.
And if you came here looking for porn, please dont bother. I am a REAL housewife....the type that is far far too tired to even think about it let alone type about it for strangers to read about. And dont start me on how lame I think that is anyway...that is for another day.

Anyhow, dont mess with me today...I have been poo-d on and spewed on far too many times to care by a nine month old. I never thought I would just take being poo-d on with such good humour. I dont like bodily functions. I like tidy worlds.

I studied a nice business degree, because careers in business include nice offices in shiny, tall buildings and nice suits from jigsaw and nicer shoes from ninewest. I had nice hair and groomed eyebrows. But NO I decided that I would give that all away (did I mention my handbags? They are to die for) to be pood on and spewed on.

But if that isnt enough to deal with, I also have to clean up the crap (literally) with a two year old hanging off my leg. Because he cant possibly get away without getting attention even if the little one is dying of gastro.

SO here I am, chucking my clothes in nappysan, with a screaming two year old hanging off my leg pretending to gag because he is 'sick too'. Yeah! And then he makes me watch him 'poo on the toilet' because I made the mistake when I was toilet training him of cheering in his poos. Now I have to every day. Yayyy a poo is coming,,,,yayyy splaaash!

And meanwhile, my peers who were in crummy jobs while I was in my nice office with a view, are moving ahead into better management roles (because they stick their kids in childcare centres) and are wondering what I do all day. Well, its not having a latte from Aroma before heading into DJs for some lunchtime shopping, that is for sure. It is cheering in poos and wiping bottoms for free, something they are paying some 21 year old to do. Who is the loser here???

THIS loser, who has slept on a mattress next to a cot for the last three nights. It is scary down there amongst dirty nappies that snuck down behind the change table, bits of rusk and spooky toys. I want my bed. I want cream sheridan sheets tucked tightly into hospital corners. I want my clinique nightcream and my down doona. I want a shower at least once a day that is by choice, not because I am wearing some other human's excrement.

Is this by far the most boring blog you have ever read? Is anyone out there? Well, it is a nice intro to me. The real bitching will start soon.
But I really ought to start cooking dinner....after all I AM a domestic goddess (well I will be one day)